Monday, March 27, 2006

Become a Demigod in a few Short Weeks!

An Email from Africa, land of Infinite Opportunity!

sender: Lackawanna J. Opulence
subject: David, We will Pay Yu to Enlarger Your Penis!!!

David, we are your best fiend. Here in Nigeria is a land of plenty but with much turmoil. Our brilliant native scientists all have penises much larger than in America and they much want to help American small-penised men so that in America also women can be hapy.

David, we have the weird and strange native juice that makes the penis grow long and thicke. Never again will your large, firm-breasted girls laugh and titter at your tininess; instead they will fall stunned to their knees. Other males will slink away abashed when you demonstrate at parties the bowline knot and the double half-hitch. How can you obtain this juice, do yu ask? Could yu send a million dollars in a suitcase and get a small jar?

No, David, Send No Money! We will pay yuo instead! We need test subjects for our brilliant experiments! We will pay you ninety thousand dollars to test the Penis Inflationary Tincture combined with the Super-Strength Viagra, the Mysterious Jungle Vitamin Pack, and the Genetically Enhanced Human Growth Hormone. Stictly for scientific test purposes we have rounded up 500 beautiful young virgin Nigerian girls from remote unspoiled valleys and placed them in a sealed compound full of every fine food and drink. If yuo qualify for this program yu will very soom be parachuting naked into this compound as the girls first run out to meet you, then flee in terror when they see your immense and rigidly rod-like penis leadung the way to Mother Earth. But soon they will return and swarm eagerly one after the next to try to be the one to tire the tireless obelisk. No sooner will one be blasted into womanhood by the mighty exudation of your glowing king's sceptre than the next will engulf you in her wiles. And unlike normal penises, large or small, the Nigerian Super Penis gets longer, thicker and more rigid the more one uses it, and expels more forceful ejaculations. In theory, interstellar travel could eventually be powered by this jet-propulsion activity. Man will go to the stars, and you will be a part of it! Our brilliant native scientists also believe that this amazing combination of science and ancient African magic will promote longevity, to the point of near-immortality! Thousands of years of near-constant orgasmic ecstasy will be yours!

David, by now you are asking, How can I qualify for this program? What can I, one ordinary, rich, gullible American do for the advancement of Science and the Human Race? Here indeed is how you qualify: you must pay for your own travel, and the only airline serving our remote jungle laboratory is Nigerian Penis Air, which, due to internal turmoil in our troubled land, must regrettably charge a bit more than an average American ariline would. And we require a fully deductible charitable contribution to help the brilliant scientists defray the huge research costs, not to mention ordinary expenses such as breath mints and toilet paper, items as valuable as diamonds here. (Although, truthfully, diamonds are found lying about the roads here - we use them as paperweights.)

So, David, simple send us your cashier's check for $25,000.00 US cash dollars and all too soon you will be the World's Most Virile and Immoortal Godlike Man, and you'll ride in a golden chariot behind a large caisson pulled by a twenty-virgin team, which cradles your MIGHTY ATOMICAL PENIS!!!!!

Sincerely yrs
Lackawanna Jukebox Opulence (my full legal name)

P.S. - This email is not spam. Remember, we are your best Fiend, David, our pal.

Copyright 2006 David Warren Rockwell

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